Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I want flowers and green grass

My title for today has a double meaning.

On the surface I want Spring. I want birds and flowers and the smell of fresh cut grass. I love spring it is just beautiful. It is where life starts all over. The cold dead look of winter is over. We thaw out. Don't get me wrong, snow covered trees with the sparkle that goes along with it are breath taking. But I am ready to thaw out.

Deeper than the surface I am ready to come to life again . This winter season in my life has been so cold. Our grandson passed way, my father passed away, our dear friend is still missing in Haiti, we have moved twice in a year. Some of our extended family is having heart breaking problems going on also. I see the winter coldness in myself and several around me.

I realized that I was letting the bad out weight the good. I could only see the sadness, the tragedies that were beginning to take over our world. I am making a choice to find the good and it is just that. The choice to find the good. The good in people. The good amidst even the rubble that is sometimes all that is left. I am not willing to accept that life has to be the way that it has been.

This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. It is this verse that helps me to see the green grass. I see that the flowers will bloom shortly. I hope to teach my children by example, the example that life can be good, hopeful and joyful.

Monday, January 18, 2010

It has been a long year and it just started

I have not updated this because I have just not been ready to type alot of what has happened.

We went to Texas the day after Christmas, Christmas Eve I spent all night at the ER with Tori, she had a stomach virus and was so sick that was our only option. Well I got home at 4:30 and got in bed by 6:00. Got up at 9:00 my side of the family got here at 11:00 to eat breakfast. We had a great day. The kids got more than one could ever really hope for. I really love to see them smile.

I got that sweet virus in car oh about Texarkana. Boy do I know how to travel. I went to bed as soon as we got to Dallas, but felt much better the next day. We had a great visit with Grandad, leaving is always hard.

New Years Day we loaded the car and headed home, I settled into my seat grab my phone only to see a message I knew was going to forever change things, at the time I just did not know then how much.

My cousin Amber told me I needed to call my Aunt. I knew this would be bad and it would be about my dad.

With that said let me give you a little history. My mom and dad were divorced when I was very young. It was really the best for everybody. Although I did not eat breakfast every morning with him, or talk as often as we should have, it does not in any way diminish the fact he is my dad. I am half him and half my mother. I look just like him and my oldest son could pass as his twin.

We drove from Texas knowing that he was in ICU and could be gone before I ever crossed the State line. I prayed for God to guide my thoughts and actions. I need to tell him that I did love him, that I understood why things were the way they were and that God loved him to.

I will forever have how he looked and truly suffered etched in my mind and heart. He passed away, I will never get the chance to fix things I feel need to be fixed. To say things that I need say.

He had flaws and so do I. You may want to judge him for those, but be careful for you will be judged by the same measure that you judge.

He made choices that brought about all of this, but how does that change that he is a person who was loved by his family, friends and GOD.

I looke at pictures of us it brakes my heart, because that is all I have now. It will be all that I ever had.

As if that was not enough, Kevin called me on the Wednesday after the Haiti earthquake. He told me that some dear friends of our were in great need of prayer. Her dad and husband David were over there with two other gentleman. They were there for work. Her dad is home safe and sound but David has not been found.

How can this be? All I can say is Lorie has shown such grace and hope. She has made David proud for years, but this is beyond that. Lorie and David are in our prayers, I ask that you would do the same.

I guess that is all for now.