Day two

Today came and went I made homemade chicken salad for lunch. Kids ate sandwiches and chips. Dinner was parmesan crusted chicken with loaded baked potatoes. I had passed many of my frequent snack and food stops without even wanting to stop;) 45 days to go and so far so good!

What will I gain by giving up.....

Today starts Lent. 46 days. I spent a lot of time really searching within myself to make this years choice. The choice (drum roll please) No eating out. PERIOD ZERO ZILCH. This should prove very interesting 6 people, 3 meals a day all at home. I am hoping that this will help not only my wallet, my waist and our family schedule. In the midst of this choice I failed to take into account that we are now in baseball season! Oh well looks like my market totes will be filled with food and we will be the Yogi bear picnic basket family. My goal is to post daily about this so I can keep an accurate account of this journey. Well here goes

Shana

Take me out to the ball game

Tonight was Samuels last game for the fall. It isi bitter sweet, part of me is glad to have less on the calander but I really do love to watch them play.

Samuel plays all positions and I feel he plays them well.

Ridley will be the same that baby is just like his dad. They both can do anything.

I really got alot done today, but sadly the list is still long that needs to be done.

On a side night, why do people just let their children run wild (worse than animals)???

If anybody has any input I would love it.

My final rant of the day is why do people but crap they do not need with money they do not have?

Mom said...

I spend my days saying pick up your stuff, do not touch that, use your inside voice and the list goes on and on and on. It is the same list all mothers have. I am sad to say that more times than not it falls on deaf ears.

The excuse list is full.

But then today I hear really hear one of my sweet angles say this very phrase.

"MOM SAID" used like a bullet meant to pierce the offending sibling.

I sat between laughter and disbelief. Really I thought... you think that is going to work? I just told you to do X and it meant nothing. But what is funny is that it holds some crazy weight when coming out of a child's mouth.

Maybe this week I will tell one child to go tell the other whatever it is I need to say. It will then be done, because ...... "MOM SAID".


:)

Oh how time flies

It seems like only yesterday that it was July. I am really going to try and do better. I seem to get mired down in the everyday stuff and forget that living comes first. I try so hard to keep up that I put my own self behind.

I really wanna be that all together person. It is just not who I am.

So I will work with what I got :)

I would like to ask all you moms a question. Should we not be training our children to be adults? Adults that can take care of themselves? That make great spouses and future parents to our grandchildren?

I see all these Facebook posts about I do this, and this, and this.... for my children. (side note, I love to do things for my children and family as a whole) BUT PEOPLE come on, you are making yourself crazy, your kids lazy and the rest of us..... we think you need help.

I love face book but it has turned into a flea market/ self promotion billboard. Are you doing these things so you can have a status update, to get a pat on the back or are you doing them at all.

Ok rant over :) Have good week!

Shana

Did you drop the vaccume on your toe also daddy?

Yesterday was just one of those days.......

We got up to get the house clean and a few things done before we went to Ridley's baseball tournament. I had a plan. Well as most of my plans go this one fell apart quickly and in a big way. I in an attempt to be through I some how dropped the vacuum on my right foot and broke my big toe (the nail is a lovely shade of black). Man did it hurt. The bad part is two fold, my shoes are limited as to what I can wear and I may have just given my children a reason to NOT vacuum. How could I expect them to use such potentially dangerous item.

Bright spot Ridley won TWO games yesterday!!! We left the games and went for dinner. Kevin has not been feeling well for several days. I knew we had a problem when at the restaurant he said " we need to go now and I may have to go to the ER".

We got as far as the exit of the interstate and went straight to the ER. We was in so much pain it was hurting to breath and his blood pressure was really high.

He is now the proud owner of a kidney stones. One lottery he was not wanting to win.

Today after Kevin took his nap Evan asked Kevin " Daddy do you still hurt? Kevin says, no buddy I am feeling all better. Evan then said did you drop a vacuum on your foot too?" I just laughed. Oh that boy makes me smile!!!!

Freedom

Happy Fourth of July!!!!!

Freedom is something that we have but do not really understand. I have never had to fear, truly fear for myself or my family.

I was blessed enough to be born in a country that is free. We are free because someone else paid and still pays the price.

I also have a God that has made me free.

How is it something that is so priceless cost me nothing but others so much. For some they paid with their life. We should daily take stock of freedom, what it means and how we got there.

As Americans and as Christians we have been given the opportunity that MANY will never know or have.

It can never be found in houses, land or money but in the ability to pray, choose our religion and how we will worship. We get to choose within our religion what our actions will be . I think it sad that more often than not we choose to do nothing. I want to choose better.

Freedom to me represent light. That is symbolic in both my faith and in the harbor. Jesus is my light and Lady Liberty holds a torch to show the light of freedom. Where there is light you will find truth. Deception is done in the dark. Fear grows in the dark.

As I grow in years I realize more and more just what matters and the funny thing is it was never what I thought it would be.

What matters: FAITH-HOPE-LOVE

Shana

Laundry, dishes....will it ever end?

I look around my house and see a MESS. Yes it is really bad right now. I am going to get that under control this weekend.

I posted earlier about how hard this year has been so far. I have been allowing my children, my house and all the things that I over commit to wear me down. As the days tick on I realize that even in this mess I am blessed. Even in the hard days that have passed and the ones that I know will come. The bible states that mans days are few and full of trouble (Job 14:1). As I watch our friend Lorie wait for word, any word on David. I am thankful that God has given me one more day to have my husband and children.
Those days are never promised, only hoped for, We have plans, plans that are about tomorrow, but it may never come. Does that mean that when I step on that STUPID Lego again, (because those sweet babies are afraid to pick up after themselves)I am gonna be happy.
Short answer is no.
I may even think of dropping them off at Goodwill. Yes, I mean the children. What did the Lego's do wrong? But then the pain will subside and I will realize that those children are an answer to my prayer. They with my husband, who after all these years still makes my heart skip a beat are the very strings that keep my heart together.

My goal this year is to find my joy in the tears, gratefulness in my grumpiness, and to bloom where I am planted.

Shana

I want flowers and green grass

My title for today has a double meaning.



On the surface I want Spring. I want birds and flowers and the smell of fresh cut grass. I love spring it is just beautiful. It is where life starts all over. The cold dead look of winter is over. We thaw out. Don't get me wrong, snow covered trees with the sparkle that goes along with it are breath taking. But I am ready to thaw out.



Deeper than the surface I am ready to come to life again . This winter season in my life has been so cold. Our grandson passed way, my father passed away, our dear friend is still missing in Haiti, we have moved twice in a year. Some of our extended family is having heart breaking problems going on also. I see the winter coldness in myself and several around me.

I realized that I was letting the bad out weight the good. I could only see the sadness, the tragedies that were beginning to take over our world. I am making a choice to find the good and it is just that. The choice to find the good. The good in people. The good amidst even the rubble that is sometimes all that is left. I am not willing to accept that life has to be the way that it has been.

This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. It is this verse that helps me to see the green grass. I see that the flowers will bloom shortly. I hope to teach my children by example, the example that life can be good, hopeful and joyful.

It has been a long year and it just started

I have not updated this because I have just not been ready to type alot of what has happened.



We went to Texas the day after Christmas, Christmas Eve I spent all night at the ER with Tori, she had a stomach virus and was so sick that was our only option. Well I got home at 4:30 and got in bed by 6:00. Got up at 9:00 my side of the family got here at 11:00 to eat breakfast. We had a great day. The kids got more than one could ever really hope for. I really love to see them smile.

I got that sweet virus in car oh about Texarkana. Boy do I know how to travel. I went to bed as soon as we got to Dallas, but felt much better the next day. We had a great visit with Grandad, leaving is always hard.



New Years Day we loaded the car and headed home, I settled into my seat grab my phone only to see a message I knew was going to forever change things, at the time I just did not know then how much.



My cousin Amber told me I needed to call my Aunt. I knew this would be bad and it would be about my dad.



With that said let me give you a little history. My mom and dad were divorced when I was very young. It was really the best for everybody. Although I did not eat breakfast every morning with him, or talk as often as we should have, it does not in any way diminish the fact he is my dad. I am half him and half my mother. I look just like him and my oldest son could pass as his twin.



We drove from Texas knowing that he was in ICU and could be gone before I ever crossed the State line. I prayed for God to guide my thoughts and actions. I need to tell him that I did love him, that I understood why things were the way they were and that God loved him to.



I will forever have how he looked and truly suffered etched in my mind and heart. He passed away, I will never get the chance to fix things I feel need to be fixed. To say things that I need say.



He had flaws and so do I. You may want to judge him for those, but be careful for you will be judged by the same measure that you judge.



He made choices that brought about all of this, but how does that change that he is a person who was loved by his family, friends and GOD.


I looke at pictures of us it brakes my heart, because that is all I have now. It will be all that I ever had.


As if that was not enough, Kevin called me on the Wednesday after the Haiti earthquake. He told me that some dear friends of our were in great need of prayer. Her dad and husband David were over there with two other gentleman. They were there for work. Her dad is home safe and sound but David has not been found.

How can this be? All I can say is Lorie has shown such grace and hope. She has made David proud for years, but this is beyond that. Lorie and David are in our prayers, I ask that you would do the same.

I guess that is all for now.

Christmas Play

Samuel is in the middle

See that sweet little curly headed angle, don't be fooled!!!! He is mine and I know better :)

Ridley and Chevy are in this one! I am still looking for a good one of Tori :( I will try to post it soon.

Well today I was the mom of Mary, a Shepard and 3 yes, 3 angles. It was a church play and a mom can dream right??? It was the Christmas play. I helped to do the props so my job was pretty easy this year. Each of my children did so well. They really made us proud. Everyone did a great job. Our Joseph was MIA (in 20 inches of snow) so in comes our wonderful pastor, Jamie to save the day. He is so funny, so we all wondered if it was going to be a comedy. But it was great !!! Today was the last big commitment we have till Christmas so now I will maybe, just maybe get things done!!!!

While you are praying please remember our Pastor Jamie and his wife Lori ,they are going into the hospital in the morning to have sweet baby girl #2 :)

Also continue to remember the Raby's the twins. They are making progress everyday, by the hand and grace of GOD.

Merry Christmas to all,

Shana

A long story....

I forget sometimes that not all of you have been on the crazy journey with us. Kevin and I met in high school and were hard to separate from then on. We married the year after I graduated and had our first son in 1999. I was told in September of 1998 that we would most likely not be able to have children due to poly cystic ovarian syndrome. God heard and answered our prayers and we had Samuel in July 1999. I always wanted a houseful of children. Again we were told sorry again GOD granted us a son. Ridley was born in November of 2002. He was early and both pregnancy were very hard. It was with a heavy heart that I followed the doctors advice to have my tubes tied. The day I had that done was so sad for me, I was forever closing a door I was not ready to close.

Fast forward to 2005. God had opened the door for us to attend classes to be foster parents. The first class brought even more sadness for me. Kevin left the class and said we were not cut out for that. In his defense they spent the entire class telling us just how broken these children were and it was enough to scare any sane person, which is probably why I still could not understand where the problem was.I cried all the way home, it seemed as though my dream was even farther away then ever. All that I could do was pray.

That fall came and I saw that another class was coming up and I went to Kevin and asked of we could just take the class if after all the classes were done if he still was against it I would accept that and know we had tried.

We took the classes and they were taught by a different teacher. At the end Kevin said we would try and see where we ended up :)

We had to fill out mounds of paperwork and tell them what we type of child we thought would fit best with our family. I always wanted a girl so here was my chance.

They called on a Monday in April around 3:00 to ask if we would take a newborn baby BOY, and oh yea he is a straight surrender. Which means we could adopt him in six months. What did I say? When and where can I pick him up???? He was a 4 lb drug exposed baby who stole my heart before I even got to him. Evan was the child I was meant to have.

May comes and they call to see if we would take a baby girl that was 2 months old. What did I say???? Yes :) Yea a girl, oh wait I have a 1 month old boy!!! Oh well here we go!

We got to adopt my Tori when she was 18 months old. We were done. I had three boys and my sweet girl.

Don't answer the phone, well I did they were needing to place a teenager she was ready to be adopted. Oh yea and she is pregnant. No problem I can get out of this quick. Every question I asked thinking these will get me off the hook without guilt was answered showing me that GOD had picked my final child the child that would complete our family.


Chevy came to our family not sure what to think but really we were just as lost. I was not sure what to do with a teenager and a pregnant one at that. We just took one day at a time as we still do.

Aiden was born on May 15, 2008. What a great day it was. I loved him as if he were my own. He went to sleep in September in his bed and woke up in heaven. His intestines ruptured and it took his life. Our sweet boy with the deep voice would change lives in the three months he lived. I sat in the hospital begging GOD I would do anything he asked, please just let the doctors help Aiden. But GOD does not make deals.After Aiden passed away time was measured by breaths and that moved to hours and eventually days. I have learned to lean on GOD, as he is the only one who can help us. I have stopped asking why... it no longer matters because why will not change it. I choose to say thank for allowing us the three months, I am forever grateful for each day. Even in the pain I would do it again, he was worth it.

sorry this is so long just wanted to fill in some of the blanks.

Shana

Even today I love being a mom

As any mother knows someday are what you thought they would be. They are swinging at the park, a peaceful lunch, a dinner that does not require a peace treaty, bath where the water stays in the tub, and bed time that does not require a the promise of coming back with reinforcements. Sadly enough today was not one of those days. Today was a day that my children thought it was their day to enact democracy. I am sure some will disagree with me, but that is not how we run our home. I feel that I am doing my children a great disservice in life if I give them impression that they will always be happy and the sun always shines. Yes MOST of their friends parents, some these parents are my friends, feel they need to give in to their sweet babies. Kevin and I do not stand for smart mouths or bad attitudes. They each have been testing the limit with these and they found the over the limit line today. With that being said not a hair on their heads is harmed but they were put back on the straight and narrow. I say all this to tell you that even in this I love each one of them almost to the point of pain. I know what a blessing each one of them is. My children are a choice not a chore. God has given me the greatest gift. The gift to be a part of the lives of 5 people who he holds dear, as they were his babies first. They are only on loan to me. I will look closer at them, why because in each of them I will see the face of God. I hope that God will see fit to allow me more time with them.

Shana

Time flies when you are a mom of 5 and having fun

Thanksgiving was a wonderful day. The week started with all of us working together starting on to get the house and the feast that followed ready. I love this time of year. Well, really my love starts in the fall. In the South the kick off of the first football it is also a unspoken kick off of the eating season. Tailgate parties, fall festivals, county fairs, trick or treating, Thanksgiving, CHRISTmas and New years. In the south we really do not need a reason to eat, we eat and eat well. Food that involves a a get together is very important. You must get the details ironed out well in advance. If you host you better be ready. I love to host, I am lucky that my husband is so wonderful. He humors me even when I really need to be committed for at least a 24 hour evaluation. We had all of my family over for lunch. We ate and ate and when normal sane people would have stopped we ate again. Christmas decorations are almost up and I am working on cards now. I am going to try to finish up all of the must do CHRISTmas by Monday of this week, I am ready to step back and enjoy the spirit of the season. While I whole support Santa at CHRISTmas, I will teach my children that Jesus is the reason we have CHRISTMAS.

May God bless you in this Holiday season,

Shana

Today is Greys day, sometimes it is the small things

Thursdays are my days to watch my favorite shows. Greys and Private Practice.
I have set some goals for both my self and my family. Mine are health related. I was involved a are head on crash 9 years ago and still have chronic pain. I worked out daily to keep my joints moving but that before life took a detour. Fast forward a year and I have days where I can not walk because of the fibromyalgia. That just does not work for a mom of 5 as well as a wife. So I have started working out again yesterday.

God HAS blessed our family this past year. I know if you look at the calender last year you would see that Aiden died. Yes, that forever changed our world. You can not go to bed one night and wake up the next morning to a baby that went to be with the Lord in his sleep and not be forever changed.

But in this I have learned to lean on God. I have learned that I can survive. I can survive, even when I do not want to, but only with God.

My husband is my rock, he is my best friend and my other half. He is my high school sweet heart. Our children could not be more blessed.

As you go into this season of Thankfulness. Be thankful, take the time to pray about what that really means to you.

Thankfully saved by his grace,

Shana

Tori set Evan Straight

Today was slow starting. I sound like I had been gargling rocks for oh.. about 6 years. I felt horrible. But no rest for a mommy. Well as much as I would love to say I got to rest all day, I had to run a few errands. This is where my mom comes to the rescue, she went with me to help out. Tori was telling my mom and I that she wants a Strawberry Shortcake doll that is just a big head so she can brush her hair. My mom tells her, maybe Santa or mommy will get it for you for Christmas. This is where Evan gets set straight by Tori. Evan in his sweet three year old voice, Twoie (tori) I will get it for you. She puts her hands in the air and says, EBAN (evan) you have no way to get to the store and you do not have any money..... WOW is both smart and a smart alec. I have to say I did laugh.

Please when you pray tonight pray for some friends of our family, The Fords. They lost Courtney Ford in a car accident last night. She was only 21 and had a 10 mo old baby girl. This is such a sad loss for them. They can use all of our prayers.

Shana

Thanksgiving is almost here

I am sooooo excited that Thanksgiving is almost here. We are hosting it at our house for my side of the family. I love to cook so the wheels are turning in my head. Mom and I going shopping next week so we can get it all and start cooking. Hopefully my sister will be able to come over and make pumpkin butter with us. Stay tuned for pictures of the Christmas decorations that will begin next week.
Did I mention I am a terrible mom? I ran over Samuels skateboard ramp!! The excursion won. Well I guess maybe just maybe they will put things up.

I am going to really try to keep up with this blog. We will see how that goes.

Shana

I am soooo excitied!!!

I am starting a kickball team and an area league :) I am so pumped, I can not wait. If you want to join let me know.

Today we spent it with Granddad. Any day with him is a fun day. We went to the mall and had lunch and then came home picked up a few thing and went to put flowers at mam aw Edington's grave. I know some of you are thinking wow you are FUN. But I love to hear the stories of family I have never met. This is helping my children to see just who they are. I took some pictures and I am going to get with my father in law to put together a scrapbook on our family tree.

Please pray for my Husbands second father (step father just sounds wrong) he is still not feeling well and and could use the prayers. But hey who couldn't?

This week will be busy and I am ready to meet it head on.

Shana